INTJ relationships are best known for having an overture of evolution. According to the Myers-Briggs profile, the INTJ personality is comprised of introverted, intuitive, thinking, and judging traits. A relationship with this quiet but self-sure individual can be very enlightening to the participants as a couple as well as on an individual level. Even if an INTJ relationship does not work out, both individuals usually walk away having benefited from the experience.
INTJ is more than just a thinker or idea factory. This individual is nicknamed “scientist” or “strategist” because they see the world as a plethora of possibilities waiting to be discovered. The primary function of a “scientist” is introverted intuition. This individual gathers information and then processes the data in a manner that is more abstract than fact-based. “Scientists” like to consider that all things are linked to possibility and have a potential for improvement and growth. This character is very logical when it comes to making decisions and typically does not have a problem with being proven wrong because they so enjoy being introduced to new ideas and procedures, especially those which can be put to practical use. INTJ is the most likely persona to be referred to as a “bookworm;” they love to learn and, even more, put to use the knowledge and ideas that they have gathered. This sort of person is capable of being proficient in several areas of expertise although they will usually choose to master one particular subject, in which they will likely pursue a career. The “strategist” prides his or her self in having a strong mind and these individuals can excel in some of the most challenging and innovative fields such as engineering and science.
INTJ is definitely a perfectionist at heart. Planning, rules, and deadlines help to reinforce the sense of order that INTJ craves. This person would be greatly put-off by disorder and messiness because they not only find it distracting but also inefficient. “Scientists” will devote a massive amount of energy to ensure that a project turns out as well as possible. They are especially dedicated to pursuits that strike up feelings of intrigue or exhilaration. Although INTJ definitely prefers to be in a tidy and productive environment, they can become frustrated in a stifling environment. This is especially true with romantic relationships, as INTJ needs to be able to have the freedom to seek out and mull over new concepts. They can be counted on to think “outside the box” and come up with an unconventional yet practical resolution.
“Strategists” have a very independent nature which prevents them from falling in line with social trends. This type of person has a knack for seeing the true value of an idea or process and will eagerly pursue it, even if no one else supports the endeavor. In a social setting, this individual may come across as standoffish because they spend so much time playing around in the world inside their mind. They have no fear of confrontation and therefore can cross over into judgmental territory if they feel that someone is wasting time. Bear in mind that INTJ is generally open-minded to the abstract, but they will not hesitate to shoot down an idea or opinion that seems illogical, that is, based primarily on emotional support. The INTJ has little patience for individuals who exhibit behavior that they feel is irrational, such as an explosion of anger or bursting into tears (unless seriously provoked).
INTJs are not adept at reading the emotions of others or at conveying their own emotions. For this reason, they have a difficult time placing themselves into another person’s shoes. Supporting or nurturing emotional reactions is of little use for a “scientist” because they struggle to see the practicality. It is not uncommon for this kind of person to overlook specific factors in a person’s life that may account for such an emotional reaction. In social settings, this behavior might seem cold, especially if the INTJ fails to recognize when bluntness may be inappropriate.
INTJ relationships are slow to start, usually because this personality is romantically awkward. Personal relationships tend to deviate from the logical world in which “scientists” thrive, thus leaving such an individual unequipped to maneuver the emotional and physical aspects of a relationship. This character is just as interested in entering a relationship as other personality types but they tend to lack the drive to initiate a relationship. Ever the planner, this individual will have a clear idea of what type of person they are looking for before they even step onto the proverbial field. Self-confidence is one of the “jewels” of this personality and the case often seems to be that the INTJ’s self-confidence shines brightest when they aren’t looking for a relationship. This air of self-assurance can be extremely attractive to a potential mate and will help to instigate a relationship.
Once in a relationship, INTJ takes the commitment very seriously and will work hard to ensure that the relationship has a good chance of working out. The “strategist” will begin to sniff out ways that they can make the relationship better which can involve frequently redefining procedures and searching for ideas that could “fix” inefficient or unbalanced areas of the connection. More than anything, INTJ wants a healthy relationship in which they and their partner are comfortable and content. This driving need to constantly work on and improve the relationship can become annoying and stressful to INTJ’s partner if allowed to get out of control.
It is no secret that INTJ has a difficult time expressing emotions, but in actuality they can feel very strongly about a companion. The introverted intuition factor can prevent this individual from sharing personal information even with a trusted partner. Over time, INTJ’s mate may become frustrated with having learned so little about their partner’s true self. Patience is a key factor in this type of relationship because “strategists” place a lot of value on their independence; any excessive pushing or attempts to drag information from this individual will only make them strengthen their internal walls (and develop a healthy amount of resentment against such a disrespectful tactic).
Compatible Personality Types
The ENTP (extraverted, intuitive, thinking, perceiving) and ENFP (extraverted, intuitive, feeling, perceiving) personas do very well in romantic liaisons with the INTJ personality. The extraverted intuition factor will play a major role in bringing a sense of balance to the relationship. Introverts like the “scientist” have trouble maneuvering social situations, whereas extraverts like the ENTP and ENFP can easily manage to strike up an engaging conversation and smooth over any hiccups caused by INTJ’s social awkwardness. The ENTP and ENFP personalities have strong perceiving traits that cause them to be relaxed and open. Though not necessarily submissive, this trait allows a partner to go largely unbothered by the INTJ’s need to actively reshape the relationship. The perceiving trait also instills a healthy appreciation for freedom and individuality, which the “scientist” also craves.
Relationship Guidance for the INTJ
You have a wonderful imagination and you’ve probably created a well-defined mental image of your ideal partner before you even set out in search of one. You spend most of your time encompassed in the vivid imaginings in your mind and if you aren’t careful, the occasional foray into reality can feel like a shocking letdown. Don’t let your conceptions of the ideal partner (or a few dates with irrational or intellectually unsuitable people) hold you back when dating. If given the opportunity, a potential companion may pleasantly surprise you.
You are likely to become easily annoyed if a companion becomes too vocal about their feelings – you aren’t sure how to process this type of information and the implied obligation to offer a reaction can leave you feeling stressed out and irritated. Yet, at the same time, you want a relationship. Consider that your partner may be compelled to share his or her thoughts with you but this action does not necessarily mean that they expect a similar reaction from you. If your companion begins to express concerns about your lack of communication, explain that you do not intend to come across as uncaring or hurtful – you simply prefer to express yourself through action. Completely ignoring the problem would be insensitive so do be careful how you respond to this type of inquiry.
Your self-confidence is probably one of the first things that attracts a partner to you. Further into the relationship your companion might begin to see more than a hint of arrogance which can be very off-putting. Your personality instills you with a sense of self-confidence that might even lead you to believe that you are always right. If left unchecked this kind of attitude will certainly lead to arguments (from which you won’t back down). Your companion has a right to speak his or her mind, especially in matters that affect them or the relationship. As a mature individual, you have the ability to recognize that your partner deserves to be heard – so listen. Consider that they may have a suggestion that will appeal to your logical senses.
Tips for Dating an INTJ Personality
INTJs have very little patience for games, especially where relationships are concerned. As with most other situations, this individual views a romantic relationship as a world of possibility that can be changed and improved upon to create the most ideal version. Silly dating strategies such as playing “hard to get” really do not work on the “strategist” and will usually cause them to lose interest very quickly. This is the type of individual who prefers honesty and they will appreciate a direct approach in the early stages of dating.
In order for your “strategist” to remain interested beyond initial intrigue, you should make it a point to highlight some of your traits that will be appealing to this sort of person. Remember that INTJs respect intellect, logic, and efficiency. If these are traits that you also hold in high regard then be sure to convey this to your partner. Let your actions show that you aren’t completely driven by emotions. When a situation arises that might trigger a significant emotional response from yourself, consider using a calm and reasonable approach. For instance, if your partner failed to make mushy, romantic plans for Valentine’s Day, try not to fly off the handle and leap to accusations. Instead, you could calmly explain to your partner that you had hoped to spend the evening cuddling (or whatever you might have your heart set on) and ask if he or she could make some time later in the week for this indulgence. This shows a level of maturity that your partner will be sure to appreciate.
Having a relationship with such an independent person may be difficult at first, but this can actually be a very beneficial practice for a couple. While INTJs definitely like to have a close bond with their partners, they also have a desire to see both individuals in the relationship developing a healthy sense of self-reliance and personal space. To this kind of person, two strong halves make an even stronger “whole.” Even if the relationship were to fail, in the end you could both walk away with a heightened self-awareness and confidence that will better serve you throughout your life.