ESTJ relationships are frequently described with one word: stable. This Myers-Briggs personality is made up of the four following traits: extraverted, sensing, thinking, and judging. This personality is one of the more common personas and makes up just under 12 percent of the population. Individuals with this personality love to be a part of something traditional and meaningful. They tend to throw a lot of energy into making a relationship as comfortable and happy as possible.
The ESTJ persona is what some might refer to as the “guardian” type. A person with this type of character typically has no issues taking charge and are usually good leaders. They use their dominant extraverted sensing trait to collect solid data from an environment, situation, or individual and then try to discover the next logical course of action. A “guardian” type is often not interested in information that is subjective or emotional. Some individuals with this persona may not have patience for people who are overly emotional, lazy, or inefficient. The nature of the “guardian” is to be a hardworking, contributing, and reliable member of society. They have a firm set of ideals and take their responsibilities very seriously.
Ever the extravert, ESTJ gets along very well with others. They enjoy being in social situations and can be counted on to strike up a conversation with a stranger. Being socially accepted can mean a great deal to ESTJ and therefore they tend to go out of their way to be a part of groups such as a local council and the parent teacher association. This all plays into ESTJ’s value system. This is a traditional sort of person who has a strict list of priorities. Those who are religious tend to give their religious beliefs the highest priority, followed by their family, friends, and work responsibilities. This individual has an incredible backbone and if they feel that their values are being threatened then they will take any action necessary to preserve that which they hold dear. These “red-blooded” individuals are likely to abide by the law, support their government, vote regularly, and take pride in having a well-presented home.
Although “guardians” may seem straight-laced, they are also very personable. These individuals possess a sharp mind and a great sense of humor. They can often pull outsiders into a conversation simply by being such animated and captivating speakers. Others tend to feel happy around them because they have a contagious spirit. They prefer to appear jovial in public, even if they aren’t completely happy on the inside. A “guardian” would prefer to make others happy and may forget to consider their own desires in the process. If left unsatisfied, the ESTJ may suddenly realize one day that their dreams have gone unfulfilled and may take drastic action in a last-ditch attempt to gain some satisfaction.
ESTJ relationships are taken seriously and are held to a high standard for this sort of character. A “guardian” holds traditional morals where relationships are concerned. Although they are outgoing and often love to be the center of attention, there is very little risk that an ESTJ would be unfaithful if they are in a committed relationship. It might be easy for a partner to become jealous of the attention that a “guardian” rakes in, especially considering how attractive this personality can be to the opposite sex. It would be unreasonable to ask an ESTJ to stop being so charming and friendly because these are tightly woven into the spirit of the “guardian.” If flirtation tends to seep out once in a while, it wouldn’t be irrational for their mate to bring up the fact that this behavior makes them uncomfortable.
ESTJ loves social situations and will encourage their companion to join them. They often choose locations where there is a lot of great information to absorb or activities that they find particularly interesting. This persona usually has a positive outlook on life and although they have a healthy appreciation for rules and structure, they do primarily live in the moment. They like to move from moment to moment and may let impulses guide their actions. For the most part this type of lifestyle does not have a great negative impact on romantic relationships for the ESTJ because they have such a well-developed sense of self-control that serious negative impulses, like gambling, usually aren’t a problem for this character.
Compatible Personality Types
ESTJ can carry on a successful relationship with a variety of personality types, however there are two characters that seem to get along best in a long-term relationship with “guardians:” ISTP (introverted, sensing, thinking, perceiving) and ISFP (introverted, sensing, feeling, perceiving). Introverts may not share the same outgoing attitude and love of social engagements as the ESTJ persona, but those with a strong sensing trait will appreciate the “guardian’s” respect for concrete facts and practical solutions. Much like the ESTJ, ISTP is less expectant when it comes to displays of affection and emotion. While both personalities like to know that their efforts are appreciated, they aren’t the greatest and showing affection. As for the ISFP, they do tend to have a greater need for affection than the “guardian” but their “free soul” nature allows them to be less needy than other feeling types. Perceiving types, with their laid-back and open attitude, can be very accommodating to the “guardian’s” need to adhere to rules and guidelines.
Relationship Guidance for the ESTJ
You put so much faith in logic and reason that you may find yourself alienating those that you care about. Although you understand your own feelings and have a fair ability to decipher another person’s emotional state, you lack the impulse to offer emotional support. This, paired with your blunt nature, may cause you to seem cold and unfeeling during a situation in which your partner is looking for emotional sensitivity. Where your mate is concerned you might have to make a conscious effort to be an understanding and supportive influence whenever an emotional situation arises.
Your personality type isn’t called “guardian” for nothing. You have a strong impulse to protect and stand up for the people you care about. This impulse may be strongest while dating and then later in the relationship. Family members and romantic partners tend to rank highest for you. Unfortunately, overzealousness in this area can cause some big problems in a romantic relationship. It is one thing to stand up for your partner when someone treats them improperly, but it’s another thing to try to tell them what they can do, where they can go, and who they can hang around with. From your significant other’s perspective, this kind of behavior is controlling and untrusting. Try to refrain from veering into this territory and explain to your partner if you have some genuine concerns about their actions, where they hang out, or the people that they spend time with.
You crave being out in social settings and you rarely mind being the center of attention. You may often ask your significant other to come with you to social gatherings, meetings, classes, and even more traditional events such as a wedding. If your mate is dominated by introversion, then it may be a bit difficult to convince them to join you. It is obvious that while they may be having a good time with you, they may feel slightly out of place. This is quite natural for an introvert. It would be pertinent to bear in mind that social situations draw a lot of energy from an introvert. It is mentally and physically draining and your significant other may need time to recover from such interactions. If possible, try to space out events so that your partner has a chance to recuperate after each occasion.
Tips for Dating an ESTJ Personality
When dating a “guardian,” it is essential that you respect this individual’s fondness of traditional integrities. They play by the rules and while they may give in to the odd impulsive action once in a while, they actually carry very high expectations for the individuals close to them. This type of person expects their partner, family members, and friends to uphold the same values as they. If you want to prove yourself as a suitable partner for a “guardian” then you will need to show them that you also respect social and professional etiquette and are a conscientious, law-abiding citizen. Bragging about cheating on an exam or lying to your boss definitely won’t bring you into favor with this type of person.
Your partner has a profound love for organization and tidiness. You can appease this pet peeve by tidying up after yourself when you’re together. If you are expecting your partner to stop by your house, consider cleaning up any messy areas that you think might annoy your “guardian.” If you really want to appeal to them, ask if they wouldn’t mind helping you with an organizing project, such as an office area or hobby room. ESTJs are ranked as top organizers among all Myers-Briggs personalities and they will revel in the chance to show off their amazing ability.
It is also a good idea to brush up on your social skills so that you can hit the scene with your people-loving partner. “Guardians” thrive on being in lively and exciting environments. They love to chat, tell stories, and have a laugh with friends, family, and even strangers. Try not to pass up on too many invitations to accompany your significant other on an outing as to do so might peg you as anti-social (a trait that ESTJ’s aren’t crazy about).